Dr. Skrap's Completely Worthless Horoscopes (March 28 - April 10)

Aries 3/21-4/19 
You find it increasingly frustrating to hear co-workers argue philosophies that don’t have common sense on their side. You can understand why they get more and more fervent about their stances. Where there aren’t facts to back up their arguments, all they have control of is their volume.

Taurus 4/20-5/20 
The neighbors will be raking their yard while you’re still waiting for the snow to melt from yours. This could be bad or good depending on your persepctive.

Gemini  5/21-6/21 
Winter is finally coming to a close... and those idiots told you you needed snow tires. Now they’ll probably tell you you need a sump pump. Idiots.

Click the title for the rest of Dr. Skrap's Worthless Horoscopes...

Cancer  6/22-7/22 
The answer is smoked pork. You figure out the question.

 Leo  7/23-8/22
It’s amazing how you and your family can all abandon nearly all of the things you gave up for lent on one Easter Brunch!

Virgo  8/23-9/22
Your mother in law is coming to visit, so you’ll want to start putting off work now that you’ll have to come in and do over the weekend.

Libra  9/23-10/22
You sit at the kitchen table with a pile of bills in front of you and wonder what happened to the good old days when all you needed to do to make problems go away was turn up the volume.

Scorpio 10/23-11/21
Your heart sinks when you see the person you’ve been secretly in love with since junior high school and they’ve put on a few... dozen pounds. The magic is dead. Oh, and like you’re looking any better with your own spare tire there, sexy!

Sagittarius 11/22-12/21 
The feeling is in the air. It’s time to pull out the golf clubs for the year, take out the nine empty beer cans, the stale pack of sunflower seeds that mice have been enjoying all winter and it look like you need to invest in some new range balls.

Capricorn  12/22-1/19
You didn’t much care for working on that part of the year when it was beautiful outside in September. Why the hell would you suddenly want to work on it now?

Aquarius 1/20-2/18
You high schools mates called to tell you they want to get the old band back together. So that means they want to borrow your van again and have you pack up the stuff after each show while they chase girls. Ah... good times.

 Pisces  2/19-3/20
That’s funny. You’d swear that fit just fine when you last wore it in October. The dryer must be broken.

Events & Articles

TITANIC: THE ARTIFACT EXHIBITION

Posted on May 22, 2015

Premier Exhibitions: TITANIC: THE ARTIFACT EXHIBITION
May 23–September 7, 2015
National Mississippi River Museum & Aquarium
One-hundred and three years ago, in the early morning of April 15, 1912, the “practically unsinkable” RMS Titanic, then the largest ship in the world sank into the frigid waters of the North Atlantic after a collision with an iceberg. The latest triumph of the White Star Line and a modern engineering marvel, Titanic sank on her maiden voyage to New York taking more than 1,500 lives with her. A tragedy forever etched in our collective consciousness and immortalized in print and film, the story of Titanic is as epic as the ship itself. 


Dubuque Food Co-Op Celebrating First Anniversary

Posted on May 22, 2015

On May 29th, 2014, the Dubuque Food Co-Op celebrated their Grand Opening. Excitement ensued while people came in to visit and gain a better understanding about the store and its goals. Now, almost a year later, the Co-Op continues to provide a great service to the Dubuque community. However, the road to their first Anniversary was not necessarily easy.
The America’s River Festival

Posted on May 22, 2015

The America’s River Festival, presented by American Trust & Savings Bank, is a two day festival filled with national acts from the world of country music including Dan + Shay, Sam Hunt and Old Dominion on Friday, June 12, and classic rock legends Tommy James & The Shondells, America & Grand Funk Railroad and America on Saturday, June 13. 
Sandy Hook Nights: Select Fridays through September

Posted on May 22, 2015

The weather that motorcycle riders have been dreaming of has finally arrived and bikes are being pulled out of storage to hit the road. But where to go? The Sandy Hook Tavern offers a biker-styled alternative on select Friday evenings through the summer with Sandy Hook (Bike) Nights. Beginning Friday, May 29 and running through September, the 13 Friday events will feature a mix of live music, steak feeds, games and raffles, with each night benefitting a different charitable organization. 
Kids' Summer Fun: Activities and Adventures for Tots and Teens

Posted on April 02, 2015

There’s a lot to get through so let’s get to it. If you plan this right, you won’t have to deal with noisy kids for more than a few hours all summer long.